Over the past five days, Lily and BJ studied intensively to earn their online doctorates from the prestigious University of San Farcical. Tomorrow, they will don caps and gowns for a cyber graduation ceremony. But today, they ponder their futures.
LILY: What are you going to do with your doctorate of nuclear physics, BJ?
BJ: I want to be a talk show host.
LILY: Now, there's a waste of a perfectly good education.
BJ: If proton and neutron interaction is possible, then so is my dream of becoming the new Oprah Winfrey.
LILY: Pfft! There can only be one of those.
BJ: Then I shall be her successor. When does her Oprah Winfrey Show contract expire? 2011? I'll have plenty of time to work my way up, pay my dues. Maybe we should move to Chicago so I can be an intern at Harpo Studios.
LILY: For a cat, you seem to have an inexplicable work ethic, BJ. I swear we must be adopted. Either that or you're a miniature human in a cat suit.
BJ: Yes, beneath this snow-white coat lurks the eternal flame of ambition.
LILY: Let us see if you've got the right stuff. Why don't you practise your talk show skills on me?
BJ: But I know everything about you. I can't pretend that I don't know you once got yourself trapped in a cardboard box for five hours, or that you may be bulimic.
LILY: You throw up more than I do.
BJ: You see? We know each other too well. So I propose we get Pinklepurr in for an exclusive interview.
LILY: How many times do I have to tell you I'm just not into that cat?
BJ: Aw, I've seen that wistful look in your eyes whenever he pokes his head over our fence.
LILY: You're talking crazy right now. Hmm, perhaps you'll make an excellent TV host after all.
6 comments:
Dear Lily and BJ, unless you can jump on the couch with Oprah and declare your love for V or F - give it up! Unless Scientology works for cats... Possum and Pinkie will be right up your pussy cat alley! From the sideline, we must admit that we have been smitten by your pictures. Why what a handsome fellow you are! Your sister has a very pretty face but that gummy eye... please - don't hold that against her. If she can graduate from the Uni. of Sam Farcial her parents R & S will never need worry too much about supporting her theraphy for her issues...
Meanwile BJ, if he can get over his stage fright - Oprah, Rachel Ray, Phil, Jay, Howard - WATCH OUT!
Too funny!
Thanks for your visit. Yes, I always have plans when my mom leaves me alone, but then I cave in and kiss her when she gets home. I can not stay mad for long!
--JB
Dear Anon 10:25,
BJ is currently being audited by the local Scientologists. He'll get back to you when he emerges from their bunker.
Lily is set to graduate summa cum laude. She'll make her parents very rich as she plans to oust Bill Gates and run Microsoft, where she can lord it over computer mice.
On behalf of the cats,
Vanessa
JB, what a lovely soul you are. Between you and us, we will probably cave in too.
Thanks for visiting us!
Lily and BJ
Don’t believe one optimistic word from any public figure about the economy or humanity in general. They are all part of the problem. Its like a game of Monopoly. In America, the richest 1% now hold 1/2 OF ALL UNITED STATES WEALTH. Unlike ‘lesser’ estimates, this includes all stocks, bonds, cash, and material assets held by America’s richest 1%. Even that filthy pig Oprah acknowledged that it was at about 50% in 2006. Naturally, she put her own ‘humanitarian’ spin on it. Calling attention to her own ‘good will’. WHAT A DISGUSTING HYPOCRITE SLOB. THE RICHEST 1% HAVE LITERALLY MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. Don’t fall for any of their ‘humanitarian’ CRAP. ITS A SHAM. THESE PEOPLE ARE CAUSING THE SAME PROBLEMS THEY PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT. Ask any professor of economics. Money does not grow on trees. The government can’t just print up more on a whim. At any given time, there is a relative limit to the wealth within ANY economy of ANY size. So when too much wealth accumulates at the top, the middle class slip further into debt and the lower class further into poverty. A similar rule applies worldwide. The world’s richest 1% now own over 40% of ALL WORLD WEALTH. This is EVEN AFTER you account for all of this ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS from celebrities and executives. ITS A SHAM. As they get richer and richer, less wealth is left circulating beneath them. This is the single greatest underlying cause for the current US recession. The middle class can no longer afford to sustain their share of the economy.. Their wealth has been gradually transfered to the richest 1%. One way or another, we suffer because of their incredible greed. We are talking about TRILLIONS of dollars. Transfered FROM US TO THEM. Over a period of about 27 years. Thats Reaganomics for you. The wealth does not ‘trickle down’ as we were told it would. It just accumulates at the top. Shrinking the middle class and expanding the lower class. Causing a domino effect of socio-economic problems. But the rich will never stop. They will never settle for a reasonable share of ANYTHING. They will do whatever it takes to get even richer. Leaving even less of the pie for the other 99% of us to share. At the same time, they throw back a few tax deductable crumbs and call themselves ‘humanitarians’. Cashing in on the PR and getting even richer the following year. IT CAN’T WORK THIS WAY. Their bogus efforts to make the world a better place can not possibly succeed. Any 'humanitarian' progress made in one area will be lost in another. EVERY SINGLE TIME. IT ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT WORK THIS WAY. This is going to end just like a game of Monopoly. The current US recession will drag on for years and lead into the worst US depression of all time. The richest 1% will live like royalty while the rest of us fight over jobs, food, and gasoline. Crime, poverty, and suicide will skyrocket. So don’t fall for all of this PR CRAP from Hollywood, Pro Sports, and Wall Street PIGS. ITS A SHAM. Remember: They are filthy rich EVEN AFTER their tax deductable contributions. Greedy pigs. Now, we are headed for the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time. SEND A “THANK YOU” NOTE TO YOUR FAVORITE MILLIONAIRE. ITS THEIR FAULT. I’m not discounting other factors like China, sub-prime, or gas prices. But all of those factors combined still pale in comparison to that HUGE transfer of wealth to the rich. Anyway, those other factors are all related and further aggrivated because of GREED. If it weren’t for the OBSCENE distribution of wealth within our country, there never would have been such a market for sub-prime to begin with. Which by the way, was another trick whipped up by greedy bankers and executives. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. The credit industry has been ENDORSED by people like Oprah, Ellen, Dr Phil, and many other celebrities. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. Now, there are commercial ties between nearly every industry and every public figure. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for their ‘good will’ BS. ITS A LIE. If you fall for it, then you’re a fool. If you see any real difference between the moral character of a celebrity, politician, attorney, or executive, then you’re a fool. WAKE UP PEOPLE. ITS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY. The 1% club will always say or do whatever it takes to get as rich as possible. Without the slightest regard for anything or anyone but themselves. Reaganomics. Their idea. Loans from China. Their idea. NAFTA. Their idea. Outsourcing. Their idea. Sub-prime. Their idea. The commercial lobbyist. Their idea. The multi-million dollar lawsuit. Their idea. $200 cell phone bills. Their idea. $200 basketball shoes. Their idea. $30 late fees. Their idea. $30 NSF fees. Their idea. $20 DVDs. Their idea. Subliminal advertising. Their idea. Brainwash plots on TV. Their idea. Prozac, Zanex, Vioxx, and Celebrex. Their idea. The MASSIVE campaign to turn every American into a brainwashed, credit card, pharmaceutical, love-sick, couch potatoe, celebrity junkie. Their idea. All of the above shrink the middle class, concentrate the world’s wealth and resources, and wreak havok on society. All of which have been CREATED AND ENDORSED by celebrities, athletes, executives, entrepreneurs, attorneys, and politicians. IT MAKES THEM RICHER. So don’t fall for any of their ‘good will’ ‘humanitarian’ BS. ITS A SHAM. NOTHING BUT TAX DEDUCTABLE PR CRAP. Bottom line: The richest 1% will soon tank the largest economy in the world. It will be like nothing we’ve ever seen before. and thats just the beginning. Greed will eventually tank every major economy in the world. Causing millions to suffer and die. Oprah, Angelina, Brad, Bono, and Bill are not part of the solution. They are part of the problem. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A MULTI-MILLIONAIRE HUMANITARIAN. EXTREME WEALTH HAS MADE WORLD PROSPERITY ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE. WITHOUT WORLD PROSPERITY, THERE WILL NEVER BE WORLD PEACE OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE. GREED KILLS. IT WILL BE OUR DOWNFALL. Of course, the rich will throw a fit and call me a madman. Of course, their ignorant fans will do the same. You have to expect that. But I speak the truth. If you don’t believe me, then copy this entry and run it by any professor of economics or socio-economics. Then tell a friend. Call the local radio station. Re-post this entry or put it in your own words. Be one of the first to predict the worst economic and cultural crisis of all time and explain its cause.. WE ARE IN BIG TROUBLE.
BJ: So does Anon 6:22am's visit still count as a pat?
LILY: We'll take what we can get, dear brother. Thank you.
Post a Comment